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Do's and Don'ts

A young person has told me that they wish to use a different name and pronouns. What should I do?

Do's

  • Thank the young person for opening up to you. They have chosen to tell you something very personal and this signals that they trust you.
  • Ask the young person if anyone else knows.
  • Ask the young person what they would like to happen next. Sometimes they might not want to change anything or do anything further at this stage and that’s okay
  • Remember that wanting to be known as a different name and pronouns is not a safeguarding matter.
  • If the young person wants to be known as their chosen name at school this is okay and likened to a nick-name
  • Ask the young person if they would like support around their identity from a referral to The brunswick Centre
  • If the young person tells you that they wish to start using their chosen name/pronouns and you accidentally call them by their birth name/pronouns, acknowledge the mistake, apologise and move on.

Don'ts

  • Don’t suggest this might be a phase. This could create a barrier and make the young person reluctant to open up to you again.
  • If you are a professional and there is no safeguarding risk associated with the name change/pronoun change, do not tell others (colleagues, other students, parents) without the consent of the young person. Doing this without consent is classed as “outing” the young person and can lead to many potential safeguarding risk factors
  • If you are a family member and there is no safeguarding risk associated with the name change/pronoun change, do not tell other family members without the consent of the young person. Doing this without consent is classed as “outing” the young person and can lead to many potential safeguarding risk factors.
  • If a young person is insisting that they do not want their parents/carers to know about their chosen name/pronouns, do not challenge them on this or try to persuade them to change their minds. Instead, explore why they are so worried as this could signify potential safeguarding risks at home.